Ever hear that rumor about fooling a breathalyzer by putting a small piece of charcoal in your mouth?
Don’t try it…totally doesn’t work. Besides, that would be a really boring attempt at breathalyzer-foolery compared to what others have tried.
Here are the best/worst attempts we’ve come across.
1) Sucking on Pennies
UK rugby legend JPR Williams was pulled over for drunk driving. The positive breathalyzer result found him in the backseat of the patrol car. While there – in anticipation of a second test – he stuck a few pennies in his mouth on the sly...except he was completely hammered and the officers totally saw him do it. They had to instruct him to remove the coins from his mouth several times until he complied. Later in court Williams said he believed a myth that the copper in the pennies would lower the alcohol reading in the breathalyzer test. They do not. Perhaps the funniest part of the story: Williams is also a doctor and surgeon.
2) Eating Toilet Paper
39-year-old Ross McDonald was arrested for driving down a wrong way while in full costume last Halloween. He refused a breathalyzer, but it was all just part of his cunning plan. You see, he just delayed the test long enough to wolf down a roll of toilet paper while in the holding cell. McDonald knew he’d ace the test after the old eat the toilet paper trick. Works every time...except when it doesn’t. Weird, right?
3) Eating Your Own Poop
Officers in Ontario pulled over and arrested a 59-year-old driver for driving while intoxicated. En route to the station, the prisoner was said to have vomited, urinated, and defecated in the squad car. Quite charming, I know. Then at the station, the man “grabbed a handful of his own waste and placed it in his mouth, attempting to trick the breathalyzer machine.”
You guessed it…didn’t work. But you gotta appreciate his commitment.
4) Eating the Print Out
This next guy knew he had a few too many pops over the limit. He knew better than attempting some crazy, half-baked plan to fool the breathalyzer. But, he knew those coppers couldn’t prove he was drunk if he ate the printout from the machine. Ha-ha, genius!!
Except he just wasn’t fast enough. Kenneth Desormes, 40, of Greenwich, Connecticut, was charged with the misdemeanors driving while intoxicated, second-degree obstructing governmental administration and third-degree criminal tampering. A competitive eating champ, he is not.
5) Eating Your Underwear
18-year-old David Zurfluh of Stettler, Alberta CA was pulled over by police after weaving his vehicle all over the highway. Things started to get interesting when Zurfluh stopped and fled from his vehicle. But things REALLY got interesting after he was caught. While seated in the back seat of the patrol car, he knew he needed a plan to beat the breathalyzer test that awaited him at the station. That’s when he decided to eat his underwear…naturally. He ripped the crotch apart, stuffed the fabric in his mouth, chewed for a bit then spit it out.
Shockingly, he was found to be under the legal limit, blowing a .08. So it begs the question – did a perfectly sober man eat his own underwear, or does the underwear trick really work? If you ever find yourself in this situation, please let us know.
And if all else fails, just pretend to drink the device and share a good laugh with your arresting officer.
