I’m very happy I don’t live in Ferguson, Missouri. The cops that live there most assuredly went well beyond earning their money during the events of 2014 and beyond.
I’m not going to spend the rest of this post trying to convince you the officer didn’t do anything wrong. I’m not going to vilify the deceased man. I’m not going to tell you how stupid you are to believe that “unarmed” equals “not dangerous”.
I’m going to tell you about an experience I had at a conference in Colorado.
It wasn’t a police-related conference. As a matter of fact, it was three days about platform-building. It was a conference that, for me, is the water to my LEO exit strategy plant.
I had the opportunity to get on stage on the first day for an exercise. During the exercise, I mentioned what my platform is all about. I mentioned that cops only trust other cops. That was the catalyst to one of the best conversations I had during the conference.
I got to meet Patricia.
Patricia is a woman who happens to be of African descent. She told the conference about her first book, My First White Friend. She told us how she made a conscious decision to stop hating white people.
Hell of a way to introduce yourself, right?
I was struck by her bravery right off the bat. A day later, I found myself face-to-face with Patricia. She told me she loved what I was doing, but what she really wanted to talk with me about was my statement regarding cops only trusting other cops and how real, meaningful progress can’t be made between the African American community and police officers if that, indeed, is true.
I sat and talked with her for about five minutes. Spoiler alert: we didn’t solve the problem.
You know what we did, though?
Connected. A white cop and a black lady sat and talked about race relations in a respectful way. When she spoke, I listened. When I spoke, she listened.
We weren’t waiting to talk. Do you see the distinction?
She has a lifetime of perspective on how she and her community have been treated. I have my sixteen years in law enforcement to lean on as well. I told her of the time I stopped a black woman for speeding and the first thing out of her mouth was “You only stopped me because I’m black.” Never mind the fact that from 700 feet away, she could have been purple for all I knew.
No, we didn’t solve the problem, but I think together, we came up with a plan to take a positive step forward in the community in which she lives.
The key is to find representatives on both sides that are mature enough to leave their talking points at home and come to the table with an open mind, open heart, and the ability to listen.
Honestly, I wish my community was closer to hers because I would be honored to speak with her again.
“Police and race relations” is splashed all over the media. It’s going to frustrate you (regardless of the color of your skin and possibly for different reasons).
If you find yourself with a genuine opportunity to connect with someone on the “other side of the aisle”, do yourself and them a favor: Just listen.
You’ll be amazed by what you’ll hear, if you’re willing.
