One night a shift supervisor asked me how they were expected to cope with stress when they continued to be exposed to the same triggering events each day.
We snap at our coworkers, family, kids, friends and strangers in the community. Many can relate to this behavior; and day after day, month after month, we tell ourselves we are entitled to the behavior and that others should understand.
“I’m normally not annoyed or quickly agitated when little things go wrong, but I just snap at the smallest things, for years now.”
When a large-scale stressful event happens to us in law enforcement, we activate our training and focus on our mission with precision where the decisions we make at that scene appear instinctual. However, when small-scale events occur hour after hour they accumulate like gravel in our shoes. Like wood splinters in our palms. And like that dull headache that doesn’t go away no matter how many pills you take.
“My spouse once said to me, ‘When the neighbor was having a heart attack and you ran to their aid, gave CPR and saved his life, you acted as if nothing happened. But when I asked you to bring up the laundry, it was like I asked you to donate a kidney.’”
We frequently base our small-scale event responses on prior knowledge of similar events. We walk into them with a biased perception, we minimize nearly everything, and we use maladaptive thinking (thoughts or beliefs that are not rational or are biased and inaccurate) that overlaps with our personal lives and can lead to drinking more, arguing more and listening less to the ones who love us.
“My shift is like a long slow grind, everyone and everything annoys me.”
Is it possible that the slow, regular and monotonous accumulation of small-scale events creates an absence of boundaries, dulls emotional control and erodes a healthy sense of agency? Is it also possible that this repeated exposure spills over into our personal lives?
So how do we address the accumulation of small-scale stressful events that make up the majority of our shift and approach them with the same unconditional commitment, devotion and motivation as large-scale events? While some things may be outside our control, there are always things we can do to adapt and more appropriately and effectively respond to a situation.
Focus on the only control you have: Yourself
We can start with ourselves. Our shifts are only as good as what we bring to it. If we bring baggage from the previous shift or an argument from home, the shift has already started on a negative footing.
We remedy this by doing an “inventory.” In the clinical world, therapists ask their clients to give an inventory of how they feel about events that took place. An inventory should include “feeling words” to describe what happened the previous day.
The best time for an inventory is with a partner and before your next shift. If no partner is available, record your thoughts using a voice memo app on your phone and play it back later.
Take on a specific roll
We can establish roles. At the start of your shift, you and your partner (if you run two-person squads) assign roles. If you run single-person squads, simply match up with an officer in roll call or another area car that you work closely with.
One officer takes the role of the “up” person and the other is the “down” person. The up person makes positive statements and has optimistic speech throughout the shift. The down person stays in neutral gear, cautiously approaches topics of conversation and even excludes themselves at times. The purpose of this is to introduce balance.
“Balance promotes equality, reason and rhythm, which are three things that are scarce on your shift.”
Additionally, each officer has the chance to “be.” To be in the moment, be nonjudgmental, be accepting and be self-forgiving by allowing themselves to be up or to be down. You may have noticed in life that when you put two up people together or two down people together decision-making becomes sluggish, and problem-solving is more difficult. And both officers experience animosity and frustration that is usually then projected at the public and each other.
“My partner and I have fun with the up and down thing because it drops expectations between the two of us when we allow each other to ‘be.’”
Tackle unrealistic, illogical thinking
We can learn to identify our maladaptive thinking that includes but is not limited to a sense of entitlement, closed thinking (the idea that there is only one way to do things), unrealistic expectations, cynicism and specialness.
The reason why these types of thinking can and do exacerbate the small-scale events during your shift is due to a lack of awareness that we are using them when interacting with others. A sense of entitlement and specialness prevent us from exercising humility in front of others. Unrealistic expectations and cynicism allow for a wedge to be driven between you and your coworkers, your spouse, your family, your kids and your community.
They keep you captive and block you from the benefit of critique and feedback from others about your performance. Your career is not about perfection, it’s about perseverance. So rather than allowing cynicism to enter your decision-making (a common and daily process), consider a path of consistency when your internal reference of integrity is challenged during small-scale events.
Embrace being mindful
We can practice mindfulness as another remedy for the small-scale events that accumulate in our minds. When we lack mindfulness, we lose insight, become avoidant, carry muscle tension and miss details needed for making effective decisions. Small-scale traumatic experiences also tend to stay at the forefront of our thinking. This process spills over into the next shift and, eventually, into our personal lives.
“Whenever I feel myself minimizing and dismissing someone at a call, I tell myself to go back to the basics.”
Mindfulness is the concept of “being.” If we are not “being in the moment,” then we are not grounded. Grounding is a very effective technique that can be used to hit the reset button when you are listening to the 12th or 13th call for service that all seem to blend together. Grounding is a bilateral movement that starts fast and ends slow (slowing the brain down). Some officers tap their index fingers on the steering wheel or tap their thumbs on the top center of their duty belts.
Practice acceptance and curiosity
We can also disrupt the accumulation of small-scale events with the process of acceptance. Learning to tolerate anything uncertain is stressful and challenging. Accepting things begins with curiosity. Your shift has the capacity to be smooth, steady and uninterrupted by preoccupations. Maintaining curiosity keeps us from judging – judging people in the community, judging our coworkers and judging ourselves. Be curious about why people do what they do, rather than judging them for it.
Live altruistically
This will allow you to drop the expectation that people owe you gratitude when you do something good, it is the antidote for complacency, and it lessens the tremendous burden of the proud and honorable work that you do.
Examples of small stuff
A common practice in counseling is to examine our self-talk. Our thinking, behavior and awareness levels can change after we learn effective questions to ask ourselves in response to outside comments or situations. Here are a few examples from officers and possible self-talk questions that could be helpful.
- Someone in the community says: “You don’t look or act like a cop.” Self-talk response: Have I heard meaningful things in contrast to this statement?
- Someone in the community says: “You seem like one of the good ones.” Self-talk response: Am I willing to remain consistent when my profession’s integrity is questioned?
- As an officer, you say: “I want this person to get help, but I have to arrest them.” Self-talk response: Am I connecting personal guilt with this arrest? Am I responding with feelings or thinking?
- Situation: You arrive at the fourth scene of the same nature on your shift. Self-talk response: Is my focus more on controlling the outcome or my interpersonal skills? Am I reducing my efforts because of a lack of curiosity?
- Someone in the community says: “Do you feel good about your job?” Self-talk response: Do I know this person’s history and what has led them to this point? Am I willing to listen at times when I’m uncomfortable?
Thanks to Chief Luis Tigera for supporting this article.
