By Captain Kory Flowers
I’ve lost another friend in the line. This time, a close pal. On December 23, 2024, Greensboro Officer Michael Horan was shot and killed by a cowardly suspect, ambushed on a routine call at midday in a grocery store. A veteran cop and detective, United States Coast Guard Chief Warrant Officer, husband, father, friend, trainer, mentor, protector and overall hero, now gone from the earth.
A profession built on sacrifice
Policing is the only profession you enter knowing you will likely lose an acquaintance, and possibly a good friend, to violence. We know that when we sign on the dotted line and first snap on the duty belt. Realtors, salespeople, clergy, tradesmen and not even doctors begin their professional journeys knowing they will lose friends to violent acts. We in law enforcement necessarily do. That has always been the case, yet the sting is still very real, and we generally do a poor job of talking about it, precisely because it’s so unthinkable.
Now in my 25th year of this career, I have by now lost several friends in the line of duty. This time around, perhaps due to the time of year or just the inexplicable senselessness of the act, has been especially difficult to navigate. For several days after Horan passed, I lost my vision for optimism and fighting crime and striving to make a difference. In all honesty, it made sense in the moment to surrender it all and let the world burn, as that was seemingly happening already. Either way, losing another pal was just too painful.
Honest conversations are the first step to healing
After regathering myself, I began to speak candidly with younger officers and open the proverbial door for honest conversation and digestion of such a nuclear bomb as violently losing a close friend and fellow officer. It is certainly true that to make others feel free and safe to share their emotions, you have to likewise be a bit vulnerable. Tell them the truth about where you are in the moment. Be the first to lay down your armor, speak honestly, and start the conversation. From the last few weeks of honest chatter, here are a few things I’ve learned.
First off, whatever you are feeling is exactly right, so long as you’re being honest with yourself. Rage, numbness, fear, apathy, or sadness are all within the realm of possibilities. If you are falling apart inside, do not try to put a stoic face on and press ahead as if nothing is wrong. When in that state, allow yourself to be brutally honest with a trustworthy friend, and ask for help. The amount of violent carnage, chaos and mayhem that law enforcement officers are subjected to routinely is too much to manage alone. There is no honor in acting strong on the outside, while internal turmoil rages and drags you down.
Caring for yourself and supporting others
Conversely, if you are feeling genuinely strong in the moment, reach out to others who are actively struggling and offer your strength. That strength in the midst of destruction is a fleeting gift, and should be used to prop others up. Remember, the shoe may be on the other foot tomorrow. We are not built to psychologically manage these chapters solo.
Care for your own psyche, as no one else is likely to do so for you. Find comfort and rest in family, friends, prayer, meditation, the gym, nature, or anything else that feeds your soul. Take some time away from work, if that is needed. The key is not trying to press forward as if nothing has happened and you are unaffected. Honestly assess where you are, and what you need.
Finally, in the days immediately following a loss, set yourself a noble goal. For my officers, I set the goal of being the strongest person at Officer Horan’s funeral and the numerous memorials. Having such a lofty objective forces you to focus on continuing to serve others. Strive to be the one others can turn to for strength, to lean on, cry on, and seek encouragement from. As others witness this strength in the midst of grave suffering, it shows them that it is possible and elevates such a high goal. At times, all we have — and all we need — is hope.
There are few guarantees in this job, or in life, other than suffering. It may be right around the corner. When tragedy visits, be wise and careful with your mind, soul, and psyche. Always be honest, and strive for strength as you bring others along. Those we have lost would ask for nothing more.
About the author
Kory Flowers is a 25-year veteran captain with the Greensboro Police Department. Captain Flowers trains law enforcement officers nationwide on various subversive criminal groups, leadership, tactical communication, and has written articles and conducted interviews and podcasts for publications including Police Magazine, the Los Angeles Times, the Southern Poverty Law Center and National Public Radio. He is a frequent guest on the Street Cop podcast and guest television host on “On Patrol Live.” He is the co-founder of Run Well, a training and mentoring program for young men.