Editor’s Note: If you are having thoughts of suicide or feeling suicidal, please call the National Suicide Prevention Hotline immediately at 988. Counselors are also available to chat at www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org. Remember: You deserve to be supported, and it is never too late to seek help. Speak with someone today.
By Meg Hamilton
On a cold January day, the commander of my peer support team called me out of a meeting. Fatal car crash, I remember thinking. Baby death. He didn’t speak for a moment, and the words that followed irrevocably changed my life.
One of our detectives had died by suicide in a neighboring city. The detective was my academy classmate, Nick Ryan. Another academy classmate and the chief were on their way to notify Nick’s wife. I was told to respond immediately to the Central District and call together the peer support team to prepare a response.
I met Nick on my first day as a sworn police officer, almost 13 years earlier. We graduated from the police academy together, worked in the South District for several years, and backed one another up on countless calls. Just a month prior to Nick’s death, we happened to attend in-service in the same group and spent a block of time training together — the topic was fitness and wellness. Our lives followed parallel tracks, as academy classmates so often do.
In the hours, days, weeks, and eventually years that followed the searing loss of Nick, I worked alongside an extraordinary group of people. We tried valiantly to meet the impossible task of tending to all the people who loved him. January 2025 marked the five-year anniversary of the day we lost Nick. I share my story for three reasons: to honor Nick, to share tangible steps that police supervisors can consider in the wake of an officer’s death, and to chip away at the wall of silence and stigma that still exist when we talk about mental health.
Part I: Honoring the individual
I was tasked with selecting a family liaison for Nick’s family on the day of his death. According to internal policy, the family liaison would come from the peer support team. One of the most courageous acts I have ever witnessed was Officer Matt Kenny raising his hand to volunteer for the role. Matt went directly to Nick’s family, and in the days that followed, he spent untold hours with them. He found answers regarding benefits and insurance, sorted Nick’s squad box, dealt with police weapons, and carefully set aside items for the department to keep in Nick’s memory. Each night, we spoke on the phone and identified priorities for the next day. In the aftermath of Nick’s passing, Matt and I discovered a truth I had not considered: he would always be the family liaison to the Ryans. Matt remains in that role to this day.
The police department honored Nick with two internal vigils: one for his academy classmates and the second for the agency at large. We honored Nick by creating a memory book filled with photos, anecdotes, and award summaries from his personnel file. The union paid for enough copies to give one to each of Nick’s immediate family members. Remarkably, the online vendor we ordered through (Shutterfly) provided a significant, unrequested discount on the memory books. Shutterfly’s compassionate gesture was one of many kindnesses that came our way.
Part II: Providing long-term support
We have discussed identifying and deploying a family liaison in the immediate aftermath of an officer suicide. A corollary step is recognizing the time and toll this position will demand. Best practices for this role include clearing the family liaison’s schedule, approving overtime, and providing unwavering trust and support. I also recommend granting the family liaison some time off after the funeral or at another natural pause in the response.
Financials are an immediate concern, ranging from GoFundMe efforts (and their legitimacy) to funeral costs, life insurance coverage, and meeting the household needs of the officer’s family. After Nick died, a local police nonprofit helped pay for the funeral lunch. The peer support team and union launched an effort with a local credit union to allow any member of the agency to contribute a payroll deduction toward an account for Nick’s wife and children. The credit union we partnered with had never created a fund of this sort, with many contributors. They were willing to create a new system within their financial institution to support us in supporting Nick’s family — but we needed to ask. Don’t be afraid to ask your community for help.
Also, consider anniversaries and the self-identified needs of the officer’s family. For two of the last three anniversaries, Matt and I have sat down with Nick’s parents and siblings at their request. We shared funny stories about Nick and caught up on one another’s lives. Sharing grief has become foundational to the yearly anniversary; it unites Matt and me in our mission to support the Ryans. Together, we grieve Nick and work toward ways to spark change.
Part III: Changing the narrative
Nick’s funeral card hangs on my family’s refrigerator. I have two others like it, from sworn law enforcement officers who died by suicide in Madison. Harris County, Texas, is the latest agency in police news living through the nightmare of officer suicides. Now is the time for action. It is critically important that police supervisors explore actionable ways to support officer mental health, including recognizing warning signs of suicide and having essential conversations with staff. It is equally important to be ready for the aftermath.
I left my position as the peer support sergeant after Nick’s funeral, but I never relinquished my role of supporting the family liaison, and Matt never stopped providing support to Nick’s family. Three and a half years after Nick died, I left my home agency for a new police organization. I carry with me the gifts of Nick. I honor him by speaking his name and spreading the message that supervisors can — and must — change the narrative surrounding police mental health. Supervisors can bring awareness to cumulative and vicarious trauma. They can discuss trauma exposure, work with employee assistance providers, and understand the process for taking medical leave or sick time to tend to mental health.
Nick died before Dr. Olivia Johnson coined the “Fatal 10” indicators of law enforcement suicide — data points derived from the National Law Enforcement Suicide Mortality Database. [1] Every police supervisor in America should know the Fatal 10. But we don’t talk about police suicide during in-service. There are myriad confidential resources aimed at saving police officers and supporting us through crises, but the vast majority of officers and their families do not know about them. March 24-28 marks First Responder Wellness Week, and change starts now — where we stand, in the agencies we work within. Change starts with us talking about why mental health demands discussion, and Nick is indelibly a part of my story.
Published with the courageous support of Nick Ryan’s wife and family liaison Officer Matt Kenny.
Resources for help
- Lifeline: Call 988
- Crisis text line: Law enforcement text BLUE to 741741
- Cop2Cop: 1-866-COP-2COP
- Blue H.E.L.P including the 1stHelp database (1stHelp - Blue H.E.L.P.)
- In Wisconsin, the Guardian app and resources offered through LEDR Wisconsin Law Enforcement Death response (LEDR) Team, Wisconsin
- National Consortium on Preventing Law Enforcement Suicide, convened by IACP
- EAP/CISM providers
Reference
1. Johnson O. (November 29, 2022.) Silent No More: The FATAL 10 of Law Enforcement Suicide. Calibre Press.
About the author
Meg Hamilton is a night shift patrol sergeant for UW-Madison (Wisconsin) Police. She previously worked for the City of Madison Police for 16 years, as an officer and sergeant. Sgt Hamilton has been recognized locally and nationally for her innovative work, including by the mayor of Madison and at the National Summit on Women in Law Enforcement. She gave a national webinar in 2023 on police-led deflection and the Pathways to Recovery grant, and was a keynote speaker in 2023 (London) and 2024 (Chicago) for New Blue, discussing how to be a catalyst for change within police organizations. Sgt Hamilton hopes to write a book on grief within policing. She holds a bachelor’s degree from UW-Green Bay in organizational leadership.
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