Trust doesn’t happen overnight. When I first joined a men’s group, I sat quietly, watching and listening as other men shared their stories. After 22 years in law enforcement, where trauma and emotional suppression were daily companions, opening up to strangers wasn’t something that came naturally. But week after week, as I witnessed these men create a space of authentic sharing and unwavering support for men’s mental health, something began to shift.
It took months before I felt ready to truly open up. Then, in one powerful session, everything changed. I let my guard down and put my trust in the men holding space for me and leading me through a somatic healing process. My body began to shake uncontrollably. Tears flowed freely, my breathing became erratic, and waves of trembling coursed through my body. This wasn’t a moment of weakness, it was a breakthrough in healing trauma I’d carried for over a decade. This is what real emotional wellness work looks like, and it’s transforming men’s lives, including mine.
The journey from silence to strength
After decades serving as a SWAT operator, K-9 handler, street narcotics investigator, pilot and administrator, I thought I understood strength. But it wasn’t until a doctor told me my work environment would kill me that I discovered what true strength meant: the courage to face my emotions head-on and embrace emotional support for law enforcement.
The structure of healing
My path to healing my first responder PTS led me to a structured men’s support group, where I discovered a level of emotional work I never knew existed. No one in the police academy discussed the need for trauma healing for first responders. What I discovered wasn’t a casual conversation or simple support; it was deep, intentional work conducted within carefully maintained boundaries, protocols, and accountability.
Our group was created in 2005 with 11 brave and adventurous men. Today, it consists of more than 60 men and comprises multiple circles, each containing 10-12 men, meeting weekly for four-hour sessions. The length and frequency of these meetings might surprise some, but transformation requires commitment and time. These aren’t quick-fix sessions; they’re deep dives into emotional exploration and healing. It is a place to take chances, push boundaries, be vulnerable, hold each other accountable, and learn skills to be utilized in our personal and professional lives.
Creating the container
The cornerstone of effective men’s group work is what we call “the container,” a safe space created through strict protocols and absolute confidentiality. This structure isn’t arbitrary; it’s essential for the deep trust required to do this work. When I first joined, the idea of sharing personal stories of my law enforcement trauma with strangers with no first responder experience seemed terrifying. How could I trust men I didn’t know and who haven’t experienced what I have experienced with my deepest vulnerabilities?
But the protocols and structure of the group created something I’d never experienced before: a space where men could be completely authentic without fear of judgment or betrayal. This wasn’t just talk therapy, it was a comprehensive approach to emotional wellness that engaged both mind and body.
The physical reality of emotional healing
One of the most surprising aspects of this work is its physical nature. Trauma isn’t just stored in our memories; it lives in our bodies. During one session, while processing a traumatic incident from my law enforcement career, the shooting death of an elderly woman gunned down in her front yard while watering her flowers and waiting for her weekly dinner date with her nephew, my body began to release years of stored trauma.
The shaking, crying and erratic breathing I experienced weren’t signs of breakdown; they were evidence of a breakthrough. This somatic healing process, while intense, is a crucial part of releasing trauma that words alone cannot touch.
Developing emotional intelligence
Through this work, I’ve learned that emotional intelligence isn’t just a buzzword; it’s a vital skill that many men have been culturally programmed to ignore. In our group, we learn to identify, understand, and express emotions in healthy ways. This process is often uncomfortable at first, but that discomfort is where growth happens.
The transformation isn’t just about handling trauma; it’s about developing a new relationship with our emotional selves. We learn that emotions aren’t weaknesses to be suppressed but valuable signals that deserve our attention and respect.
The power of collective healing
What makes men’s groups particularly effective is the power of witnessing and being witnessed by other men. When one man shows courage in vulnerability, it gives others permission to do the same. When one man is working, the rest of the men in the circle are too. This creates a positive cycle of healing that extends beyond the group and into our families, workplaces and communities.
In my case, processing that tragic shooting incident, which I had tucked into the deep, dark corners of my emotional backpack, wasn’t just about personal healing, it helped me realize that if I can heal through this work, other first responders would greatly benefit from this process to heal wounds and emerge stronger.
A new model of masculine strength
This work has taught me that true strength isn’t about emotional suppression, it’s about emotional mastery. It’s about having the courage to feel deeply, the wisdom to understand our emotions, the skill to express them appropriately and the ability to understand the emotions of others.
The shaking, tears and vulnerability I experienced in that room didn’t make me weaker, they made me more whole. They were steps in a journey toward becoming a more integrated, authentic version of myself.
An invitation to depth
For the men and women reading this who feel the weight of unprocessed emotions or trauma, know that there are structured, powerful ways to do this work. Whether you’re a first responder carrying the weight of traumatic experiences, a professional dealing with workplace stress, or simply someone who knows there’s deeper emotional work to be done, well-structured emotional wellness groups offer a proven path to healing and growth.
The journey isn’t easy, and it requires courage to take the first step. But as someone who has walked this path, I can tell you that the transformation is worth every uncomfortable moment. In these groups, we don’t just talk about emotions; we learn to feel them, understand them, and use them as tools for growth and connection.
Your emotions aren’t your enemy, and you don’t have to navigate them alone. There are groups waiting to welcome you, support you and walk alongside you on your journey to emotional wellness. The question isn’t whether you’re strong enough to do this work, it’s whether you’re ready to discover just how strong you can become.
