This article is part of an ongoing series on leadership development for new law enforcement leaders. Each article addresses a specific area of leadership competency offering learning points, strategies and tips. Click here to access the entire Leadership Development Series.
“Could a greater miracle take place for us than to look through each other’s eyes for an instant?” — Henry David Thoreau
One of the greatest interpersonal skills someone can possess is empathy — the ability to see things from another’s perspective and feel their emotions. To be empathic, you need to have a strong self-awareness; the more open you are to your own emotions, the better you will be at reading the emotions of others. Research suggests that the ability to empathize stems from one’s moral compass. When you show others that you care about them, they feel more comfortable with you, sense that you care about them and are likely to want to work with you.
While empathy is normally associated with altruism, an internal motivator, it can be developed through practice. Here are a few suggestions:
Ask open-ended questions about the other person’s background to show you are interested in them.
This gives people a chance to disclose information about themselves you might not otherwise get. For example:
- What do you like to do in your spare time for fun? Hobbies? Sports?
- Tell me about what you did for a living in your home country.
- What assignments would you like to work on in the future?
- What could we be doing around here that will make the team stronger?
Engage in active listening.
This involves listening for meaning, providing specific feedback to let the other person know what you heard and being spontaneous. You can ask probing questions to get more information. Try this:
- So, you were a nurse before you came to the United States. Have you tried getting a job in the medical field here? Have you been able to use any of your nursing skills and knowledge in your current job? It sounds like you miss being a nurse.
Share related information about yourself.
- Did you know that I was a teacher before I came to work here? I enjoyed it, but I wanted something more challenging. I miss the kids, but I have found more opportunities for advancement here while still being able to help develop people.
Use supportive communication language like describing what you hear rather than evaluating it.
- Rather than saying “You probably didn’t get the right kind of nursing training where you came from to qualify to be a nurse here.” Try saying, “Is there any difference between becoming a nurse in your home country than here?”
Try using openness and trust-building exercises where you share perceptions of each other with an open mind and without becoming defensive.
- You can use a list of adjectives used to describe people, and then discuss how you perceive yourself and how the other perceives you, then reverse roles. Discuss what you learned from the exercise.
Check your own self-awareness regarding what you are feeling about entering this discussion with the other person.
- What have you already predetermined about them?
- Do you like that person?
- Have you interacted with them?
- Was it positive or negative?
Being aware of your own emotions will allow you to be more empathic.
Try to read the other person’s nonverbal cues, like facial expressions, body language, tone of voice, the way they are dressed, and items in their personal space.
- These observations may assist you in getting a more realistic sense of things underlying the conversation and help you form more appropriate questions.
Ask how you can help the other person. Show that you are willing to go the extra mile to help the other person reach their goals:
- Is there anything I can do to help make your work experience here better?
- Here is a list of interview questions that might help you prepare for your next job.
- I have enjoyed talking with you and look forward to our next visit.
It is important that you are genuinely interested in the other person and communicate that you care about them. Your goal is to gain insight into the other’s perspectives, needs, and wants with the ultimate outcome of building trust between the two of you. You should develop this type of relationship with every member of your team.
Suggested reading
Knapp ML, Hall JA, Morgan TG. (2014.) Nonverbal communication in human interaction, 8th ed. Boston: Wadsworth.
Luft J, Ingham H. (1955.) The Johari window, a graphic model of interpersonal awareness. Proceedings of the Western Training Laboratory in Group Development. Los Angeles, University of California, Los Angeles
Ross M. (2024.) The Empathy Dilemma. Burien, WA: Page Two Books
Stull TJ, Stull JB. (2024.) How to be an open leader. Police1.com/Leadership Development Series. Lexipol Media Group.
Stull T J, Stull JB. (2024.) Building trust within your team. Police1.com./Leadership Development Series. Lexipol Media Group
